French Polynesia- Tahiti: The land of the tattoo and the mother of all waves!

With more flowers resting on ear lobes than in the trees and more chilled surfer blokes than a surf comp, Tahiti certainly could vie for the coolest nation on the planet.

The greeting at the airport sets the tone for what is to come - men with ukuleles serenade you in, whilst a token immigration procedure takes place. The bags roll out at a leisurely pace and before long you are thrust into the mix.

With a sole circular road running around the island and with notoriously poor public transport, we opted for a hire car to help us explore the island. Easy Tahiti was the choice - the cheapest of an outrageously expensive bunch. For our £100 for two days we were afforded a BYD 1 litre heap of plastic. It drove like the hand brake was constantly on and fogged up with the slightest hint of humidity. Not great on a tropical island! Nonetheless, it did its thing and got us around the place well. For some unknown reason, local policy has it that rental cars are decorated with large orange stickers. Just so every one knows - a tourist is at the helm.

With the orange sticker shining bright and the little thing struggling to pull away, we headed straight into Papeete. The economic and populous capital of French Polynesia, Papeete is quite the draw for some. However, we were pretty underwhelmed with this city. Besides being on the waterfront, with a few cool surf shops - essentially the urban core is akin to a derelict car park, full of homeless people keen to grab a buck or two. The streets are dirty and the traffic constant. You can see why people who come here don’t leave the airport. You touch in and quickly escape to one of the finer islands in the neighbouring archipelago.

But, we had come, so we may as well enjoy all that is good about the place.

First up, we strolled around the market in the centre of town. In a bizarre layout, you walk past fresh tuna, neighbouring a pearl stall, before browsing over sunglasses and hats. You seem to find every tourist item under one roof here. But, what is cool about this joint is that whilst tourists pay through the nose for every item on offer, the locals mingle on bar stools and high tables, eating their chow men or croissants for brekkie.

Eating from makeshift kitchens is not infrequent here. Every major street corner and plaza are lined with vans and food trucks, affectionately termed ‘roulettes’. Tripadvisor sends you to them over their brick and mortar counterparts. Like permenant residents, they lay their surroundings with tables and chairs, menus are propped up against the wheels and their ‘restaurant’ name lit up above their cockpit. Locals fry away in smokey trailers, churning out Chinese favourites as well as other French inspired dishes - Steak Frites and Crepes amongst the most common offering.

We sampled the delicacies from one, close to the port in downtown Papeete. Smokey noodles and tasteless steak was about as far as the description could be given. Not the best for the taste buds, but cowering under the side of a van, whilst the rain drilled its way to the pavement beside us, will remain a cultural experience. You had to do it, right?

Having exhausted the market, we strolled the streets a little, popping in to the odd over priced store. They say that Tahiti is the land of the best Tattoo artists in the world, creatively producing some of the best Tattoo art globally. I have to say, walking around the city it is a little like being in an immersive art gallery. Every human that you pass is decorated to some degree. Some, beautifully crafted and well placed on their bodies, others - clearly addicted and have gone too far. One gent we encountered had tattoo’s the whole way up his neck, bordering his face. A little alarming and I am not sure where the artistic merit is there? But, in the main, beautiful tribal tattoos sweep across the arms of locals, and extenuate the contours on their rippling leg muscles. If I were an islander, with a perm-tan and bulging muscles - I would be heading straight for thee studio to get it done. They do look ridiculously classy.

Tattoo specialists and running out of streets to explore, we climbed back in to the wagon and commenced the round the island tour. A 120k round trip and with a few stops on the way, if you have to spend any time on the island of Taitit - this is the thing to do! Due west, we began our journey passing the luxury resort of the Intercontinental. We tried to see how much it would be for one night, but they were full - hosting the Beauty Contest of Miss France. I think the prices of the rooms may have been somewhat inflated because of this..

On a circular tour with few highlights, we were excited to reach the first at the Grotto Cave. Circa 12km outside of Papeete, a cave carves a deep hole into the cliff face. In its place, deep blue waters have filled the void. Vegetation droops from the overhang, whilst water drips from the last rains. A beautiful piece of nature and definitely worth a stop!

A little further along the cost, you reach Plage de Taharuu. A black sand beach sweeps around the bay, with white breaking waters flowing aggressively up the beach. A stray dog or two play in the sand, whilst the Chinese snap their pictures. Residing behind, tall volcanic hills smothered in rich, lush vegetation, to paint a rather amazing picture. We stalled here and dug our feet into the sticky black sand, before heading south a little further.

Surf is a huge part of Tahitien life and one of the worlds leading surf comps is held here in August every year. Pros from all around the world flock to these shores to contest the Teahupoo wave. Regarded as one of the greatest surfing crests on the planet, we were keen to get a closer look. A short walk has you passing a small river, dressed in water lilies before arriving at the beach. Off shore and where the reef is, the sound of a rumbling break, with views of the crashing white water in the distance. Albeit a little far off shore, the barrel is visible and the bobbing of brave surfers is just visible to the naked eye. Locals have capitalised on the less than ideal viewing point form the land, offering you the opportunity to climb aboard a tin boat to get a little closer. Typically cheap Tahiti will have you paying $40.00 for a half an hour trip…I think you can guess what we did?

The return journey had us headed east. The guide book suggested that the eastern shores were quieter and more beautiful. They were not wrong and the return leg certainly didn’t disappoint. We rolled at a steady 40km/h, island life has already taken over - or the car is not capable of going any faster. Police men act as lollipop ladies for kids leaving school, whilst surfers perch on bikes and discuss the best breaks. Cliff edge roads tower over breaking waves, where surfers linger to catch the next longest ride. Onlookers snap with cameras or meditate to the sound of the waves.

Tropical jungle glisten in the sunlight, whilst palm trees sway in the soft breeze. The beaches are wild and rugged, boulders and rocks replace the thick black sands of the west. We cruise through small hamlets, the odd shop offering the essentials and a few locals selling their catch of the day on the road side. Before too long, the traffic begins to build as we enter the outskirts of Papeete. With the sun shining, the place has a different appeal to it. Palm trees line the water front and the lagoon shines brightly in the shallows. The buildings suddenly take on a brighter, less oppressive stance and the whole place seems a little more amicable.

As with most visitors to this small fragment of earth, floating in the wildest depths of the Pacific, it is time to leave this isle for its Neighbour Mo’orea.

Papeete will fill excite some, disappoint others and entice a few. Whatever your emotions, being here will emerge you in Thaitien culture and give you a taste of what it is like to live on an island wrestling with the adoption of western life.